Being Nailed to a Wooden Board
by satachiha08
Summary: Echizen Ryoma. Normal every day tennis-playing teenager, right. Wrong. Tezuka-buchou, you should take that pillar prep-talk back, shouldn't you?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Children of the Lamp or Prince of Tennis.**

Echizen Ryoma was very annoyed because he couldn't get to sleep. He couldn't get to sleep because of a toothache, of all things, yes, a toothache. He always brushed his teeth before going to bed and usually avoided sweet things so he saw no reason why he of all people should get a toothache, but it happened. So here he was lying in bed waiting for it to be morning, knowing that he won't have enough sleep and during practice his sempais will tease and make fun for being tired.

And he was right. "An Echizen too tired to play tennis; I never thought I'd see the day." Momo laughed.

"It's funny, nya, Ochibi never gets too tired to play tennis!" Ryoma swore if Kikumaru didn't get his hands off him in 10 seconds he'll pound them into the ground. Kikumaru must have felt his thoughts because he let go of him and promptly bowed in apology. Ryoma wanted to say 'mada mada dane' but his mouth hurt. So he just kept quiet.

"There was a 0.003 chance of this happening," stated Inui and pulled out a revolting looking puce colored drink from his water bottle, "Would you like to try Energy Revitalizing Inui Juice Deluxe?" he asked with a evil looking smirk.

"No-no thanks, Inui sempai," Ryoma managed to choke out through the pain. It was simple, all he had to do was go up to Ryuzaki sensei, tell her that he was feeling too tired to play tennis, get permission to stand everybody up, and flee to the safety of the library where silence is encouraged. Then go home and arrange a dentist's appointment. Simple, right?

"Sorry, Ryoma, but I can't let you leave," apologized Ryuzaki sensei. She sounded more annoyed than sincere, "You shouldn't let tiredness stop you from doing something you love. This really isn't like you at all. Maybe a little time out on the court will cheer you up, eh?"

Stupid, didn't that old hag get that today_, just maybe_, wasn't his day. Couldn't she see that _for once_ he would rather be doing something else than tennis? Like playing with Karupin, taking a bath, going to the library, having a smoke… Wait! Where did that come from? Forget it, however crazy and un-Echizen like it was he could not go to practice today. And he wouldn't, the only difference was that he was _considerate_ enough to think of getting couch's permission to leave. So much for manners. Every thing was so mada mada today.

"Alright, then, I'll just leave. Bye." Ryoma turned to leave before Ryuzaki grabbed his shoulder fiercely.

"What are you doing, Ryoma?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm leaving."

"You can't do that Ryoma."

"Yes I can. Now let go."

"RYOMA!"

"Yes?" Ryoma asked once again, arrogantly. He was really pushing it now.

"You will go to practice. Now. I don't care if you haven't eaten or slept in a year. _You will go out there and practice!_" Ryuzaki hissed venomously. Ryoma was too tired to flinch.

"The moment I leave campus you have no rights over me." He slapped away her hand and broke into a run leaving the said place.

The people right by him became colored blurs as he pushed his legs to make him go faster away from the school. He didn't even notice the faces turning towards him a few seconds too late when he was already several meters ahead.

Ryoma arrived home at a record breaking speed and opened the door as if nothing was unusual. Sounds of running water were heard from the kitchen and it looked like Oyaji was reading a magazine while playing with Karupin. Mom was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm home." Ryoma forced out as he walked steadily into the kitchen, panting. Nanako first froze and looked at him with wide eyes before she began in a quivering voice,

"So…early…" Ryoma wondered why she was looking at him like he just came out of a murder scene. He looked down at himself and felt sick. His sweat was dripping all over the floor!

"Um… I'll go take a bath know," he muttered before heading upstairs.

"Nanako! What's that stink? Did a train load of rotten eggs blow up or something?" Nanjirou yelled from the porch and even Karupin stayed away from the repulsive scent.

"No, that's just me!" Ryoma couldn't resist saying from upstairs as he grinned while imagining his dad's reaction. Nanjirou was speechless.

Ryoma turned the knob to the hottest dial and slowly lowered himself in relishing the spiking heat drilling itself into his bones when… stupid fathers always mess things up.

Nanjirou barged in screaming some intangible things about "playing hooky," "stink bomb," "so un-cute," and "didn't even bring a girl home!" Ryoma became very, very angry, especially when Nanjirou slipped on the tiles and came crashing down into the tub screaming "FIRE!!!!!!" when his skin touched the burning water and immediately recoiling, he jumped up, hung on to the showerhead over the water and flailed his legs all over the place while pushing the knob to its coldest set. This was, of course a very painful incident for Ryoma being that he was used to always having hot water baths. Ryoma responded by getting himself out of the water as quickly as possible, but while saving his body, he accidently knocked the bottle of bath salts he was using into the water. Both father and son became quiet with impending doom. Out of noise, lack of sleep, and being glomped, there is no greater hate that he has apart from cold water baths and wasting bath salts (dentists are in there too, but we'll get to that later.)

There was no sound heard apart from the sound of cold water hitting boiling hot water and creating steam until Nanjirou had the sense to turn the water off in hopes that Ryoma's anger would evaporate along with the steam. It was all in vain because a bottle of Ryoma's favorite bath salts had been wasted and that was up there as Capitol Offence Number 2 up there with hurting Karupin which could never be forgiven without inflicting appropriate punishment.

Nanjirou seemed aware of this too when he bolted out of bathroom screaming bloody murder. Ryoma followed him screaming in about the same volume following Nanjrou downstairs. From any spectator's point of view this would have a very odd situation. If one did not know of the events prior to this it would look like a forty year old man in a soaked kimono with visible burns beginning to form running barefoot while screaming at the top of his lungs was being chased by a naked equally soaked twelve year old boy who was also screaming "COME BACK HERE YOU OLD PERVERTED MOTHER FU----R!!!" Unfortunately this was precisely the time that Rinko Echizen decided to open the door and come from the grocery store and Nanako decided to come into the living room to see what all the racket was about.

I don't know what would constitute as "most-embarrassing-experience-ever" but in Ryoma's mind this came very close. Both of them froze in mid-step while Rinko calmly set the bags down and closed the door to prevent an…audience. Karupin stared at the male members of the Echizen household as if to say "I'm surrounded by idiots." Indeed she was. (AN: I'm not sure whether Karupin is male or female but for the sake of the story let's just leave it as female.)

Worst case scenarios were running through Ryoma's mind as he came up with a number of reasons to justify his innocence, and if none of them worked, he could always break down crying in a very cute way. Oh wait…his mouth hurt, even more now that he screamed his lungs out for the first time in ever. There was also something extremely wrong with this picture but Ryoma just couldn't put his finger on it. He was cold, of course he was cold, he just came out from a cold water bath, but he was also cold in a place where he _shouldn't _be cold in, a place that should always be covered and at least some-what warm. He looked down. Oh…shit. Ryoma finally realized the gravity of his situation. This would turn into one of those "remember when" stories that mothers told at dinner parties. Rinko Echizen really was a terrifying ruler.

"Dear…Ryoma… would you please go into the kitchen so we can talk," her voice was smooth, gentle and calm. The calm before the storm. Nanako was chuckling silently to herself.

Nanjirou and Ryoma obediently marched to the kitchen in a perfectly straight line and stood in front of their seats awaiting orders. Ryoma's blush was slowly making its way to his entire body. The fact that Nanako's eyes were almost intentionally glued to his nether regions didn't help either. Did the cold mutilate his penis!?

"Sit," the dominating voice of Rinko was heard. Both of them immediately kneeled down in submission. Rinko herself sat down too, "Nanako-chan, would you please make us a cup of tea?"

"Gladly," Nanako laughed.

"Now then… let's get back to the present situation," her eyes narrowed. Both of the guilty braced themselves for the end. Ryoma was trying to get those tears working and Nanjirou was thinking of his best seductive strategies. "Let's review both sides of the story," she started, "I saw you chasing each other in the wet nude around the house while screaming incestuous words and profanity, is that true?" the tea came and she motioned for them to take it and answer. Nanjirou, who preferred coffee, only set it in front of him to avoid more suffering than necessary. The "wet nude" part was kind of creepy. Then it hit him, most of this was all Ryoma's fault! If he could point that out to Rinko while getting on her good side, he would escape scot-free! Did anyone in this house expect him to be the responsible one anyhow?

Something along the same lines was going on in Ryoma's head too. Nanjirou was the father, he was the one that was supposed to be careful and not barge into the bathroom when his son was taking a bath. He should have more patience! If he could make Rinko see common sense and point out that he was already injured (aka toothache) _and _tell her that Nanjirou was the one that fell in the tub he would gain sympathy and avoid all blame! The "wet nude" part was a little harsh though.

Both of them exploded in explanations, apologies and blames at the same second before Rinko ordered, "Silence." The entire room hushed up except for Nanako's laughs because, Nanako was a reasonable and responsible person who did not offend Rinko.

She looked over at Ryoma and nodded her head signaling that he should start first because Nanjirou never had something to say that would be higher than the reason of a 5 year old. One point for Ryoma.

"You see, I wasn't feeling well so I decided that I shouldn't practice. After I came home I decided to take a bath, but Oyaji barged in, and turned the water to cold and knocking over my favorite bottle of bath salts," Ryoma made a big deal about pouting and managed to make his eyes look glossy. It's been years since he cried so hopefully mother instincts will be revived. Nanjirou looked like Ryoma just gave him the death sentence.

"He's not telling the whole side of the story, Rinko-chan! When he came in he stunk like hell! It's not _my _fault he was practically cooking himself in that water!" Nanjirou turned to Ryoma, "You knocked it over yourself!" Karupin, for one, was enjoying the show tremendously.

Whether they were tears of anger or humiliation, Ryoma didn't know, but he was contiously aware of the pain in his mouth and before he knew it he was wailing like a baby. Great. Now he was wet, naked, _and crying. _Nanako laughed more, but this rare display of emotions seemed to touch Rinko, to Nanjirou's distaste.

"What hurts, baby?" Rinko asked her son soothingly.

"My mouth!" Ryoma cried out.

"Nanjirou. Car." She ordered and he bolted to meet her demand, "But before that, both of you…"

"Yes?" asked Nanjirou.

"Would you please put on some clothes?"

---------------------------------

How is it? It may not look like it now, but this will go on to me a fantasy for some part. Do you think I should move this up to M? Please send some feedback!

Also, I'm taking this one more slowly than the others, so updating might take some more time. Sorry about that! I need to do more research on the subject. More of Transplant should be up soon too. Bye for now!


	2. Chapter 2

After Ryoma and Nanjirou had gotten fully clothed, they got into the car where Rinko agreed to drive for the safety of the entire city. Not a word was uttered to refuse the Great Rinko, Mistress of the Household.

Ryoma hated dentists. He hated them a lot, ever since his first experience when Dr. Pain-In-The-Ass (mouth would be more appropriate, but he _swears_the pain reached his bosom) didn't put enough numbing and drilled right into his tooth. Needless to say, no matter how much his mouth needed it, his ass was screaming "SUICIDE!"

Not that Ryoma dared to reveal any of these extremities, no one needed to know, and that pocketknife never looked more appealing.

As the car neared the dentist's office, the knot in Ryoma's stomach got tighter until it was suffocating and making him want to vomit at the same time. Suffocating, he could do, but no vomiting; definitely no vomiting because puke can stain your teeth and that means even more dentist-ly torture.

The car stopped. Oh Gods, they had arrived. Nanako pulled Ryoma out of the car noticing that he was a bit unable to get himself out. When did Nanako become such a sadist, enjoying his pain? It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Baka Oyaji must have something to do with this, Ryoma concluded. And when he finds out exactly what that f&!# did, Nanjirou was a dead man.

With every step, the family was nearing the door to Ryoma's personal hell. The waiting room smelled of fluoride and detergent. The seats were old, worn out, crusty. On the table next to his chair there were all these boring home magazines and Golf Digest. Who reads that kind of stuff?

The messenger from Satan/nurse came out and called him over to the executioner. "Echizen Ryoma," Rinko gave Ryoma a look that would slowly be turning into a glare if he didn't get is ass off the regular chair and into the dental one. Like a robot, he stood up and chose to avoid the immediate evil.

"Please come this way," she led him over to the execution room and had him sit and wait for Satan to come and "take a look". So Ryoma waited, barely daring to take a breath, and waited, and waited.

When Satan bothered to come over in his blue mask and white lab coat (That always bothered him, why where white when you have a medical job. It's gonna get dirty anyway) and old, wrinkly skin.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Teshima," Dr. Satan held out his hand for Ryoma to shake. He really wished he had some gloves about now. The devil's voice sounded like big boulders rolling down the mountain about to annihilate a tiny village. Ryoma kept quiet and didn't take it. Dr. Satan smiled and pulled his hand back, "You have had pain in your mouth, huh?" he asked. Ryoma nodded and thought up ways that he could get out of this hellhole, "Well take a seat," Dr. Satan got up out of his chair and stood over the dental chair.

Ryoma froze even more frozen than he already was. Pain or no pain he was _definitely _not going in that chair and have some stranger he just me picking at his mouth. Nope, sorry. So he just stood there.

Dr. Satan motioned a couple more times before laughing. "So you're one of _those_ kids. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you," Is that so? Now put down that pointy scalpel thingy and we could have a deal. Ryoma shook his head no.

"We're going to have a problem, aren't we," It wasn't a question. The doctor kept laughing and smiling (his teeth weren't that good, mind you) and being all "Hey kids!" like. We are going to have a very, very, big problem. Dr. Satan paged someone on his cellphone and after ten minutes of a staring contest seeing who would get in the chair first, a nurse with black hair and not enough make up showed up smiling. Her smile hurt Ryoma's eyes.

"How are you, sweetie?" "sweetie"? "My name is Miyako and I'm here because Dr. Teshima over there says there's someone here who's being a naughty boy."

Do I look three to you?

Ryoma didn't know what happened. It's just that one second he was holding his ground and the next thing he knew he was battling Dr. Satan, his servant, and three other security people trying to get him in the chair. There were straps too. _Mom is so going to kill me tonight. _

When they buckled him to the bed, was going to scream, but decided agianst it because he would be opening his mouth and giving the enemy an oppurtunity to invade. So, instead he just zipped his mouth close and put on a glare that put Fuji Syusuke's sadism and Inui's juice to shame.

"Should we call the psychiatrist?" Security person Number 1 asked to no one in particular. I dare you to, asshole.

"There, there, now you're A- okay," Miyako smiled through gritted teeth. Her hair looked like a great big stack of fries, ketchup and sloppy joes all mixed together with a bit of barf in it. The barf was real.

--

Rinko and Nanjirou had been waiting outside for the past two hours. When they saw the security guards coming they knew it was for their son. _I am so going to kill that kid when he gets home._ Rinko thought in unison with her child.

--

"Oh my gosh..." Dr. Teshima took off his spectacles and looked at Ryoma's mouth in disbelief. They had to put him under anesthetics to get him to settle down. "Call in the parents.

Rinko did know what to expect when she and her husband were called in. Ryoma was still under anesthetics when they came in.

"Your son has his wisdom teeth, he's one of the youngest I've ever seen."

"I see, should we be concerned?"

"I don't think so, but it would help if he got them removed as soon as possible."

"Alright. Is some time tomorrow alright?"

"Does 5:00 work?"

"Perfect." A smirk took over Rinko's face.


	3. Chapter 3

The car ride home was unusually quite much to Nanjirou's suspicion. It was almost like he was waiting for a meteor to come falling out of the sky and obliterate his insignificant existence. Damn Star Wars porn.

If he knew Ryoma as well as he thought he did, which was a lot, he would have expected Ryoma to fall on his knees begging for forgiveness and mercy from his mother. It seemed, though, that Echizen Rinko's authority had somehow forgiven Ryoma's irrational phobia. Which was bad. Very, very, bad for Nanjirou.

Ryoma on the other hand, was too busy hyperventilating over the doom that awaited him tomorrow to notice the incredible change in his mother. Were they going to use anesthesia? Didn't people _die_ from that stuff? Ryoma definitely didn't like the thought of dying in a _dental chair_ of all things. Dying in the hands of a rapist in a dark alley and being eaten beyond recognition by rats sounded more appealing.

"Ryoma," said Rinko in all seriousness when she made the turn to their house, "I have something very important to tell you at home." All eyes turned to Rinko; it was very rare for her to address anyone (except Nanjirou about his magazines). Nanako giggled, but said nothing. Ryoma _hated_ that giggle.

Rinko parked in the driveway and everyone got out in sullen silence. They went in through the front door and Nanako proceeded to close all the windows and make sure the only light that was coming in was from the lamps.

"Sit down," she instructed to Ryoma, and to Nanjirou, "Leave." Okay…now things were starting to get 

_really _strange. But, to protect themselves, Ryoma and Nanjirou did what they were told.

"What is it?" Ryoma dared to ask.

"You see, Ryoma, there's no easy way to say this." What happened to the atmosphere? It had never been so heavy. "I have been keeping a secret from you."

So…?

"You are not human."

Come again? What is this, a manga novel?

"…"

"I know that this may be hard for you to believe, but it's true, to be blunt. You come from a rare breed of Japanese djinn."

"What are djinn?" Ryoma resolved to ask since there was obviously no way that he was getting out of this.

"Basically what humans or mundane, as we like to call them, call "genies" four dimensional creatures above human existence with control over the real and imaginary."

4-D what? Oh my God, Ryoma thought, my mother's gone insane!

"Mom," Ryoma started, "I don't know when the schizophrenia started, but we need to get you to a hospital right away."

Rinko smiled. "I'm not insane, Ryoma. This is all true. See it for yourself." She muttered something under her breath and the wooden chair that Ryoma was sitting in turned into leather. There was only one way to explain this. He was the one going insane. Ryoma made a break for the phone, but before he could start dialing Rinko had turned it into milk chocolate. Ryoma loved milk chocolate, but that was beside the point.

"All right, I'll believe you," Ryoma lied.

"Good. When you get your wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow, a man will come to see you when you're under the anesthesia. He'll explain everything. Oh, and don't tell your father about any of this."

"Why?"

"He doesn't know. It would be too much for him to handle."

"Alright then, do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

Rinko smiled again, "I think you can afford to skip a day."

--

The day had passed quite quickly. Ryoma went along with what Rinko said just to get her off his back. Before he knew he was in the dentist's chair (in restraints) having the anesthesia mask unwillingly put on him. In a couple of seconds he felt himself falling asleep.

--Dream--

_Are there supposed to be dreams under anesthesia? Isn't it more like whoosh! and they knock you out? Kind of like being unconscious? _

_"Hello!" Ryoma yelled out in English at the white nothing before him. He felt a solid surface underneath him, but didn't see anything but white. It hurt his eyes._

_"Hello to you too," an echoing voice replied out of nowhere and the whiteness turned into an empty bar with a pool table. _

_Ryoma whipped his head around looking for the source of the voice before he called again, "I'm right here, Ryoma." The man was standing in front of him in traditional Japanese clothes. "Do you want to play?"_

_This was odd. First of all, it wasn't everyday Ryoma remembered his dreams. As a matter of fact, he never remembered his dreams. And here, in his first dream a random man was asking him for a game of pool. Dreams aren't all they're cracked up to be. And people base their lives off of this?_

_"Okay…" he responded uncertainty as that stick was shoved into his arms. Ryoma had never played pool before and didn't know what he was doing. _

_Ryoma went up. He held the stick-thing in an awkward position and lightly hit one of the balls that hit the 9 ball as it zoomed dangerously close to the pocket-hole thingy. _

_"Well done," the stranger congratulated him. "You won."_

_Ryoma didn't respond straight away. After a while he asked, "Who are you?"_

_The man looked around himself as if expecting to see someone else standing next to him. When he saw that there was no one but him, he responded, "The uncle of your mother's second cousin's niece's granddaughter's husband."_

_Ryoma stared at him. "This is the first time I've ever had such a vivid dream. Anesthesia must do wonders to stressed out people."_

_"Uncle" sighed again, "This isn't exactly a dream, Ryoma. Think of this more like an _initiation_. I'm introducing you into a more, let's say, a lesser known part of the world."_

_"If you're not a dream then how do you know my name without me telling you?" Ryoma countered._

_"It's on your birth certificate and medical records. I wouldn't just come without doing _some _research, right? Remember what your mother told you yesterday? Your djinn education will begin when you get home after getting your wisdom teeth removed. Your mother has them. They'll be safer with her. Also, you are not to leave her presence until my body and myself arrive in Japan. You'll know. Just don't make a tsunami and sink the island underwater while I'm not here, 'kay?"_

_Ryoma didn't know how to respond. He'd definitely need some concrete proof that his parents weren't getting revenge on him for all those times that he was supposed to do the laundry but didn't. Grr. _

--End Dream--

Ryoma heard a faint "See you…" before he found himself awake in the dental chair.

"That wasn't too hard Echizen-kun wasn't it?" Dr. Satan said taking off his mask and gloves.

Fuck you doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the long wait! Writer's blocks is coming down on me, but let's just hope for the best. I am _so _happy for the amazing response I got on chapter 3. Thank you everyone! Now on to number four!

"How did things go with the dentist, Ryoma?" Rinko asked her son on the way home.

"My mut sill numt," my mouth is still numb Ryoma responded glaring at nothing in particular. Okay, so now he was a believer. What now? At least the searing pain in his mouth had stopped. Now his mouth didn't feel like much of anything, but he was sure he butchered his tongue.

"After your mouth recovers you will go back to school," Rinko doesn't neglect to say. _Why, oh, WHY??_ Ryoma cringed.

--

"Ochibi's back!" Eiji screamed at the top of his lungs in delight and proceeded to not only glomp him, but to run as fast as his legs could take him creating extra force. It was ultimately a painful and lung crushing experience for Ryoma.

"Sempai… can't… _breathe_…" Ryoma gasped, but Eiji was too distracted chanting "he's back! He's back!" to notice until Momo came to the rescue.

"You're murdering him, Sempai, let go!" Momo jumped up at the sound of his senior choking his junior to death and managed to claw Ryoma out of Eiji's death grip. Ryoma took a few seconds to inflate his lungs again.

"Nya, gomen Ochibi," Eiji apologized and started reaching out to give Ryoma another deadly hug. Ryoma stood nailed to the ground looking up as the instrument of his death came closer until Momo pulled him back. Thank God for Momo.

When Eiji was sufficiently taken care of (coughOishicough) Momo gave Ryoma a painful noogie before dragging him to the field to practice. They only managed to get in one serve before Tezuka and Ryuzaki came out looking pointedly at Ryoma. Both boys got the hint and Momo effectively escaped the scene.

"Nice to see you're in the mood to join us for practice, Echizen," Ryuzaki said coldly.

"The weather seemed nice," Ryoma retaliated sounding a lot more confident than he really felt.

"Yes, it does feel nice now that I think about it, don't you agree Tezuka?"

"Yes I do actually. Nice enough to make up for the past _three _practices you missed, isn't it coach?" Tezuka played a lot. That stoic face looked particularly evil. Tezuka had very good pretences. And everybody said he had no feelings! Ryoma would just love to choke him with a racket, right now. He would take his racket and smash it over his head. Then he would take his other spare racket and smash that over his head too! But still, that would be such a waste of perfectly good rackets.

"Yes it is. 20 laps per day and you're not going home until every second you missed is made up." Ryoma didn't move for a while. Were his coach and captain ganging up on him? Interesting, Tezuka was a bastard. Dang.

"Run. Now." They both said in harmony. The situation was getting worse by the second. Ryoma decided to play it safe and run.

Now if he could just get rid of that pathetic look that Momo and the rest of the team was giving him.

--I

Ryoma ended up not going home until 10. And that was only because he collapsed for the third time. For the first two Ryuzaki had the _patience_ and _commitment_ to throw Inui juice on his head and get him up, but after the second time, she was _too tired for this_. Apparently they would continue this tomorrow.

Ryoma limped home and arrived at about 11pm. When he opened the door, he was immediately bombarded by his father asking him indignantly where he had been all this time and how he was about to call Ryoga back because he wanted to have at least one heir to take on his tennis skills. Ryoma slapped him away and exited to the bathroom.

"Fathers get so tiresome. That's why I never became some. This world has enough intelligent species inhabiting already, don't you think?" Ryoma turned to the direction of the voice and, sure enough, the man from his dream was sitting on the edge of the tub, fully clothed (thank god) in a white tuxedo. He stood out from the decor tremendously.

"Who are you and what are you doing here," Ryoma blurted out like those people in crappy thrillers. He reached for plunger and was contemplating the mess the stranger's blood would make in his treasured bath tub.

"Whoa, whoa, no need to get gory, Ryoma. Like I told you yesterday I happen to be your long lost uncle who graciously agreed to fly all the way from Nepal to mentor you into becoming a proper Japanese djinn."

Liar. He sounded like he was reading out of a script. Nevertheless because Ryoma wanted this conversation to be over as soon as possible so he could finally take his long awaited bath, he played along. "You didn't mention the last part."

"Well now I did. So…put your clothes back on and I'll go tell your mother we're going out." Wait. Wait one bloody second.

Just as his so-called "uncle" was getting up to leave Ryoma swiftly blocked his way with the plunger and said through clenched teeth. "I have just come back from breaking my back in tennis for the past _six hours straight without any rest_ and I would _love_ to have a little time to _rejuvenate_."

The man thought for a moment before saying, "Galileo didn't find the universe by just resting all night." Before Ryoma could come up with a comeback, he took the plunger out of Ryoma's hands and said randomly, "RHOMBRENCEPHIA." A puff of red dust appeared out of Ryoma and suddenly he never felt cleaner.

"Uncle" smiled one of those large fake smiles that showed all his teeth and said carelessly, "Shall we go?" Ryoma went to change out of his tennis clothes into American jeans and a t-shirt and they both went downstairs strategically avoiding his father.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Just to let you know this chapter is probably going to be crap because I'm suffering from lack of inspiration (LOI) and focusing more on my original work and other fandoms. Reviewing kicks my ass in gear. ;-)

--

"So then… where are we going?" Ryoma asked lamely.

"Just for a tour around the world. The wind is very favorable today," Uncle took a deep breath and smelled the air. "Unusually warm for this time of night, eh? Just take a seat and enjoy the ride for now."

Sure enough, when Ryoma looked behind himself, two airplane seats were there and his cup holder had an opened can of grape Ponta. Ryoma sat down followed by Uncle and waited for the show. The wind started picking up and before he could realize what happened they were being flung up into the air. Ryoma screamed.

He faintly heard Uncle laughing and saying something along the lines of, "It's always a surprise the first time." but didn't pay attention due to the rising air pressure, his lacking ability to inhale, and the howling of the wind and his own vocal chords. Ryoma immediately regretted his decision.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" he yelled, tearing at his unused vocal chords because, Ryoma rarely said anything more than "Mada mada dane" and "I'm home." Uncle clasped his hand over Ryoma's mouth and screamed almost as loud:

"BRAT!! DON'T FRICKIN YELL SO LOUD THE HUMANS 'LL HEAR YOU DOWN THERE!!"

"I DON'T CARE!! YOU FLING ME OVER A HUNDRED FEET AT TWELVE 'O CLOCK AND EXPECT ME TO NOT _DO_ ANYTHING?!"

"YES!! YOU WANNA BE FLUNG A HUNDRED FEET? I'LL SHOW A HUNDRED FEET!!"

All of a sudden the two chairs with two very stubborn people were "flung" as Ryoma so graciously put it higher into the air. Only this time, they didn't stay in the air. They plummeted very, very, quickly. So quickly, in fact, that the seats started catching fire.

"Great... now would you please stop us from becoming charred bone?"

Uncle looked around stupidly, "I-I didn't think it out that far," he admitted.

Ryoma's eyes bulged and looked around at the smoking chairs. "YOU IDIOT! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE THROUGH THIS?!" Ryoma tried to yell as loud as he did the last time, but his vocal chords were too used up.

"Um…um… think of this as an educational experience. Lesson 1: control your energy in stressful situations." Ryoma opened his mouth to shout (kinda) something back, but was silenced with a

"Shut up so I can think and we won't all be barbecued in the skies of Tokyo." The chairs burst into flames as they gained speed in the atmosphere. "Give me your pinky!" he yelled through the howling ringing sound in his ears and the immense speed and heat, even according to djinn preferences.

Uncle grabbed his pinky and Ryoma felt a painfully tingly sensation spreading through his core. Uncle shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. The wind slowly started to subside and the temperature dropped under 300 degrees.

"Just a little more," Uncle said through a shut mouth, "Help me here, Ryoma."

"What do you expect _me_ to do?"

"Just think about how much you wouldn't want to end up a barbeque for street dogs."

"Well that's easy." So, despite all his reluctant brattyness , Ryoma consecutively thought _I don't want to be die here. I don't want to die here. I don't want to die here. _It looked like it was working.

Slowly but surely, they touched down in an almost deserted alleyway scaring the shit out of a schizophrenic homeless man, who ran away screaming bloody murder about the cabboozeles , drenched in sweat looking like they took a swim in the oceans. Ryoma was pissed.

"So," Uncle grinned sheepishly, "That didn't go as planned."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"But no worries, Ryoma, no worries. Now you know to not be rash when you're travelling by whirlwind. Oh, and don't ever offer anyone your pinky. It's the outlet for all your luck."

_…the hell? _"Where exactly have you dropped us?" Ryoma asked even though he already knew the answer. No, of course the man that nearly got him killed couldn't know where he was.

"In a dark alley in downtown Tokyo. There's a subway station near here. I can get you home in about twenty minutes."

Well, he's not _that_ bad.

--

"Boy! Where the hell have you been all night? And dressed like _that_!"

Ryoma paid the retired tennis player no heed and answered, "Flying over Tokyo," before heading upstairs to his room.

Outside the door to his room Ryoma found Karupin glaring at him humanely. Ryoma was in no condition to deal with her.

"What are you looking at?" he snapped. The cat shook her head before running away.

Ryoma took of the clothes that were unlike what he usually wore and went to sleep.

--

"Ryoma-sama is in a bad mood!"

That is what spread from the lower grades to the sempais when Ryoma walked through the door; For starters, he made Momo late by leaving to go to school by himself (he woke up _early_) and failing to tell him not to bother coming. When he got into first period English he was _not_ falling asleep _or_ embarrassing the teacher.

"R-ryoma-kun, is something bothering you?" Sakuno asked Ryoma catiously after he agreed to hand out a worksheet to the class.

"Why should something be bothering me? Does it _look_ like something's wrong with me?" Ryoma yelled, to the dismay of everyone within 100 yards of him.

"…yes, actually."

The teacher sent Ryoma to the principal's office without further comment.

Hours later, Ryoma was very angry as he made his way to tennis practice. Tezuka had bailed him out of counseling moments earlier and instead had reduced him to picking up balls with the rest of the seventh graders. Oh, the perils of disgracing an already ill-tempered Ryoma suffering from Ponta withdrawal! Momo came up to him asking why he wasn't waiting for him in the morning while Ryoma had a ball in his hand. Ryom looked at the ball. Then he looked at Momo. Then he looked at the ball again and one of his old smirks crept up over his face. Ryoma threw the ball like a twist serve at Momo hitting him square in the middle of his forehead. Momo collapsed to the ground.


	6. Chapter 6

"Welcome to anger management. I'd like to start off by saying we are _all_equal and no one in this room is here to judge. Now, let's all start by getting to know each other. Why don't we all go around in a circle and tell everyone why we are here. I'll start first. My name is Makagawa-sensei and I'm here to help all of you."

Oh, how did Ryoma manage to land himself in this place? It was a very misunderstood situation. After Momoshiro wouldn't wake up Tezuka had to call an ambulance because Ryoma might have broken something in his head. The IQ of the human race was lower point by point every day. Of course something was bound to be wrong. He was hit on the head by a ball going at least thirty miles per hour, for cripes sake! Then, everyone on the tennis team went crazy and pinned him to the ground. How was that supposed to help any? It wouldn't get Momo out of his coma. Now a week later he was ordered by the school to attend group anger management therapy. Damn Momo.

"Aizawa-chan, why don't you start?" Aizawa was the girl who volunteered to sit on sensei's right side.

"My name is Aizaka Saruko and I'm here because I pushed my boyfriend down the stairs." It went down the line. All the "I slapped my girlfriend until she went half-blind"s and "I hit my mom on the head with a frying pan"s. These were crazy people! Ryoma was _not _crazy. He was as far from crazy as possible—no he was probably the only not-crazy person in this room!

"Ryoma, do you want to share something with the class?"

_No, sensei. No, I do not want to share anything with this group of crazy people. On the contrary, I want to strangle you and everybody who put me in here._ "My name is Echizen Ryoma and I'm here because I hit my best friend unconscious with a tennis ball going thirty miles per hour." Well, when you put it that way…

No!

Momo was being annoying like he always was and Ryoma simply played a prank that went too far. He'll probably snap out of it any day now. Besides, thirty miles isn't that fast. It's like a really slow car right?

When the group had finished bragging about their Guinness-record low high tempers, sensei had "suggested" they do an activity on "recognizing the problem" and "positive thought." _Well,_ thought Ryoma, _you'll probably be dead before the sessions up._ Or not. The security guard was running late and managed to sneak inside without being noticed by anyone besides Ryoma because he had nothing better to do than pay attention to security guards that were running late.

"There are two types of people," sensei explained, "The first type is the person that can't control himself. He loses his temper at everyone the second he gets angry. The opposite is type two, the person that never reacts and holds everything until he explodes and hurts his loved ones and himself. For this activity, let's all stay in this circle and describe what makes us angry. I'll start. It makes me really angry when I get stuck in a traffic jam when I know I have to be at work. Ryoma?"

Two more hours of this shit.

"Tough, eh?" Uncle remarked at home while Ryoma spilled the contents of his closet all over his bed and floor. It was a strange impulse, Ryoma didn't know where it came from, but all of a sudden there were all if these things he wanted to be _rid_ of. What agitated the him the most was that he seemed to possess nothing that didn't have to do with tennis. Tennis balls, tennis rackets, tennis magazines, tennis pillows, that's all he had and he hated it. He was sure that two days ago this thought would never even have occurred to him, but now it did so he would have to act upon it. He would have to rid himself of this lack of identity.

Ryoma decided he would burn all his tennis belongs. Well, not all of them. He would leave two rackets and two balls. He didn't really need more, did he? They were starting to pile up. Wouldn't this be helping the environment too? The paper in the magazines wouldn't be thrown in a landfill somewhere.

Nanjirou had picked up his racket to challenge, well not a challenge for _him_, Ryoma to a round of tennis when he saw the apocalypse. Ryoma was setting the backyard on fire. Or, at least that's what he thought. And when he looked closer, he wished that was really what he had seen.

At first glance those only appeared to be old junkmail and catalogues. But when he got closer, he could make out the "I" in "Tips for a great twist shot" and the resilience of a small yellow ball catching on fire. It took Nanjirou several seconds to put two and two together.

Ryoma was too busy venting out his sudden displeasure of having lived the past twelve years with nothing but tennis, bath salts, and Karupin (well he didn't mind the last two so much, to be honest he still loved them as always) by taking delight at watching almost all his tennis related gear burn to ash, that he did not notice his father fly out from behind the building from which he was spying on Ryoma and try to grab the match in his hand. Unfortunately for Nanjirou, Ryoma's surprise caused him to drop the match and take a step backwards, and the impact of Nanjirou's fall caused the small bottle of gasoline that was next to Ryoma (he had _a lot_ of tennis stuff) to spill as he fell into the fire.

Ryoma watched his father perform the Stop Drop and Roll technique with disgust. Now there would be medical costs on top of anger management!


End file.
